Sometimes I Don’t Eat. Is that Rude?
out to dinner recently - an evening when I DID order a meal!
On Sunday, Kyle and I were invited to go out to dinner with about a dozen other people to celebrate a friend’s birthday on Monday. Kyle had a volleyball game scheduled near the start of the dinner so we RSVP’d that we would be coming late. Kyle stayed at school to be there for the game and I went home to have dinner. Because of a torrential rainstorm, his game was canceled, so we were able to make it to the dinner more or less on time. Kyle ordered an entree and a soda, but because I had already eaten dinner, I didn’t order anything.
I actually do this pretty often – go to a restaurant with friends and don’t order anything. It started last year when I was very strictly following a diet plan. If a restaurant did not offer nutrition information and provide a diet-compatible dish, I wouldn’t eat anything there. (I would not choose a restaurant that failed to provide that information, but we mostly go out when invited by friends so I don’t usually choose restaurants.) Since I don’t drink anything other than water, I often do not spend any money whatsoever. I also found that this strategy saves us a lot in our eating-out budget category so that has been a reason to continue doing this occasionally even when I’m not being as strict with my eating. I used to find sitting in a restaurant with other people without any food or drink in front of me awkward, but I don’t any longer.
The only time this has caused me any trouble was when we went to a boba joint once when we were out of town with a large group of people we had just met. It turned out that the shop had a one-drink-per-seated-person minimum. Like I said earlier I never order beverages, so I explained to the server that I would not order anything but I would pay for my presence with an equivalent amount of money if necessary ($3 or $4). I was having some problems communicating this and she seemed very perplexed. Thankfully one of the other people in the group said he would order a second drink to go for his girlfriend and that seemed to resolve the situation.
I want to make clear that I do eat in restaurants sometimes – either full meals at a mealtime or an appetizer at off-hours – but I’m not going to break my no-beverages lifestyle or order something I don’t want or that I believe is unhealthy just to make someone else more comfortable. And I don’t do this when I’m out alone with Kyle, only in large groups of people. And if the waiter gives me water and refills it and I’m not with Kyle I leave a small tip (usually I just refuse any service, so this has only come up once).
I’d love to hear what you think of this behavior, especially if you work or have worked in a restaurant. I’ve never seen someone else do this on a consistent basis so it’s definitely possible that I’m committing a huge faux pas or something. If I’m not I’m going to keep doing it because I am retaining the wonderful social interaction I get with my friends without taking any hits to my waistline or wallet.
Do you think that entering a restaurant means that you must order something – am I ripping the restaurant or waiter off just by taking up a seat? Do you ever go out without buying anything or have you seen your friends do it? Do you reject any social norms on a regular basis?
Written by Emily
Filed under: food, personal, spending · Tags: diet, frugality, wait staff
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I definitely feel a server would get slightly annoyed because they see a 2-top (or however many people) and automatically assume a certain amount of tip before they even serve you. However, when they find out that only one person is eating then they realize they just lose half of their expectations.
I don’t think it’s a big deal though. My wife and I do it: she’ll have already eaten and just go to a restaurant with me to sit down and chat.
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That seems odd to me. Why would you go out with just your wife if only one of you is eating? Why wouldn’t you just eat at home with or after her?
Yeah, I agree with Jason in that it’s pretty annoying to the server and the restaurant in general, but I don’t see a problem with it.
If I was out for dinner with less than say 3 people, and one person wasn’t eating I would be a little weirded out though.
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Yeah, I think it is more strange with smaller groups. I think the fewest people I’ve ever done it in was five.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you did. Most of the other people were eating, so there shouldn’t be an issue if one person isn’t. If someone has an issue with it, that person is too touchy. W
Why eat when you’re already full, and if the bulk of the group is spending good money at the place as it is. Seems like nobody gets impacted negatively in this case.
Tie the Money Knot recently posted..Avoiding Gold Diggers Who Marry Primarily For Money
No one in my party has ever said anything to me but I wonder if I was making them silently uncomfortable. Thanks for the support!
I’ve done this before, but not often. If I’ve already ate then why buy food?
Michelle recently posted..Could you live on minimum wage?
I do this every once in awhile, though usually I try to at least order a beverage. I’ve never been a server so I’m interested in their point of view too.
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I do this more than I’d like. Sometimes I just don’t want the $7 side salad, and sometimes, that’s the ONLY thing on the menu I can eat. Last time this happened, I was in a huge group, and my friend walked with me to Whole Foods where I ate dinner, and when we got back to the pizza place, no one even noticed we were gone. It helped that there were 15+ people and they were drinking. Every time I go out with my boyfriend, we split a meal, and the servers seem not to mind.
Though, if a friend asked me to meet up at a pizza place, I would suggest she come to my house for dinner instead.
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Hmm good point that splitting a meal with someone is basically the same as one person eating and one not. I definitely think the former isn’t awkward or cheating anyone, so I shouldn’t think it of the latter.
We do prefer to invite people over than to go out if it’s just another couple or two, but these outings are almost never by our instigation.
I know some people that do it, and i’ve done it a few times myself, but I have pretty much stopped. I dont see a problem with it, but usually if i’m not going to eat there, I dont really see the point in going – I’d just prefer to invite friends over in that situation.
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When I’m the hostess that is what I prefer, but I’m not the hostess in these cases! So I do choose to join them out.
I think it is largely situational, based mostly on what you already mentioned. If you’re in a large group, nobody will care. If you’re sitting at the bar taking up a stool on a busy night, servers will get mad. If anybody in your party is ordering alcohol, the restaurant is already making money, so don’t worry.
Tipping for water reminds me of this old study:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0022103171900254
Effects of a Favor and Liking on Compliance, DENNIS T. REGAN
I do that ALL the time, so I don’t think it’s rude! First, I have dietary restrictions. Second, I have debt and think it’s irresponsible to spend money at a restaurant when you can’t pay your bills. Third, I do what I want! Why would anyone care that you’re not eating? Who cares? I sometimes order water, but contribute to the tip because the waiter *is* still refilling my drink, but I don’t think anyone has ever commented.
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I think that’s what it comes down to – “I do what I want!”
Rude? I’m not sure. Akward? Very? I hate eating in front of somebody who isn’t. I feel like a pig and am constantly offering my food to those around me if they aren’t eating at the same time. Would it be possible to order a house/garden salad? Those are usually pretty cheap compared to other menu items and low calorie (if you chose the right dressing or go without)
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I’m sorry that behavior makes you so uncomfortable! I haven’t had any of my companions offer me their food so I hope they don’t have the same reaction. Unfortunately a house salad usually doesn’t meet my dietary guidelines. I eat low-sugar/low-carb, not low-calorie, and there is actually a lot of sugar in iceburg lettuce and tomato and other typical components, so I don’t usually eat salads unless there is a lot of fiber, protein, and fat, which makes them more expensive. Basically all the low-cost items on a typical restaurant menu are cheap carbs, unfortunately!
According to the nutrition source I use, iceburg lettuce only has 1g of sugar per 1c serving. (http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/vegetables-and-vegetable-products/2476/2) That seems pretty low carb to me.
I worked up some numbers on a typical house salad and this is what I got. (First number is sugar, second number is total carbs)
1c iceburg lettuce – 1g, 2g
1/2 c. diced tomato – 2.5g, 3.5g
1/4 c. sliced cucumber – .5g, 1g
1/4 c. shredded carrot – 1g, 3g
1/4 c. sliced red onion -3g, 6g (I ask for on side because I don’t like them but my wife does)
shredded cheese – 0 (an entire cup has 1g, but a salad has at best 1oz, so .125g)
1/4 c. croutons – 2g, 6g (same as onions)
Totals 10g sugar, 21.5g carbs
Total without onion or croutons – 5g sugar, 9.5g carbs.
Hope this helps
The diet I was on limits me to 5 g of sugar in any given meal and 15 g of sugar total per day. So when I was closely following it (and even now) I am VERY stingy with foods that have any sugar – they have to have a lot of benefits to be worth taking up so much of my sugar allotment. I do eat small amounts of berries and tomatoes because I think the antioxidants and fiber make up for the sugar. Iceburg lettuce, though, (any many other mostly-water vegetables) doesn’t make the cut – I prefer spinach.
Wow. That’s a pretty strict diet. Personally, I don’t buy the benefits of ultra-low carb diets. Our brains need glucose!
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The diet I mentioned is actually moderate-carbohydrate – the cap is 120 g/day. It’s just the sugar that is super strict. Anyway I don’t want to get into it because this isn’t a food/diet blog but I assure you my brain has been running fine.
I had an ex who would do that ALL THE TIME. It used to bother me, but I stopped caring. If you don’t want to eat, then don’t eat.
I might be a bit annoying for the server, but if there are enough people who are ordering at a table, they get over it.
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I totally see your point and understand your reasoning Emily however you clearly recognise that you are taking up a seat in a restaurant that could otherwise be taken by a paying customer. Whilst I recognise that most restaurants aren’t full it is a symbolic gesture that if you are in a restaurant surely you should pay for something? If the restaurant suddenly became full would you get up and go to make room for a paying customer? Of course not. That would be ridiculous but I think to save face and for the sake of the profit-maximizing restaurant you should always order something even if it’s sparkling water.
I want to reassert that I totally understand your reasoning and don’t blame you for doing it but don’t your friends feel a little awkward chomping away as you sip at your water? If you’re not going to eat in the restaurant why not do something that wouldn’t involve eating?
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I guess it doesn’t bother me that much about taking up the seat because I’m out with groups so the size of the table probably wouldn’t change without my presence. Unfortunately (for the restaurant) I don’t drink sparkling water either – I can’t stand carbonation! I literally only drink water. I take your point though – if I was just being cheap I wouldn’t be able to stand up against the social norm, but combined with my rather picky food choices I feel OK about it. I honestly would be more inclined to buy food if more restaurants provided nutritional information so I have been “voting with my dollar” by preferring those that do.
I’m not sure if my friends feel awkward – that’s sort of why I asked here! No one has ever said anything about it. Is it much different from being at a party where snacks are served, where I also sometimes don’t partake? And believe me, there are activities I’d rather be doing with my friends than not-eating in a restaurant, but the occasions to which I am referring are all by the invitation of our friends.
I’m curious- have you ever been the person that made gratuity included, and did the restaurant include it? Do you throw a few dollars down to add to the tip?
I’ve ordered just an appetizer when I was out with L and he wanted a full meal, and I think I’ve ordered just a drink once or twice in large groups…but I would never order nothing. Personal preference. However, I don’t have any food sensitivities. My nephew has TONS of food allergies, and his mother will often bring him his own food to eat in a restaurant. His parents always leave a few dollars for the time his butt spent in the restaurant chair, even if he wasn’t served anything.
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I can’t recall a time when I was the tipping-person on the added gratuity, but I might not have been aware if it did happen. I guess I never thought about it because I always tip about 20% so the added 18% wouldn’t cost me any more than usual. That’s an interesting point though – I wonder if the server counts bodies or people served.
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This actually happens from time to time and I really couldn’t care less. I don’t look at a table and guesstimate a tip and if some people aren’t eating, it never really crosses my mind that the total bill is lower. To each their own. I try to be frugal so I would probably do the same if I wasn’t hungry! Plus you do it in a group which makes it even less of an issue. Once I had lunch with my cousin and she didn’t eat anything because she had just eaten at work. I found it incredibly awkward!
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Thanks for weighing in! I’m glad this practice doesn’t bother you. And I hope every other server shares your opinion.
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